Don’t Cross a Cashier

It’s funny how we have this notion that you shouldn’t fuck with a waiter or waitress because they’ll tamper with your food…and yet we’re okay with that. It’s like, if the waiter/tress is mean to you, you’ll leave a shitty tip, but if you’re mean to them they’ll spit in your food. We’ve grown accustomed to this idea and so we tend to be respectful to our servers. Yet cashiers have just as much control over the situation and still get flack.

I mean, think about it, we cashiers scan your items. Don’t be stingy and start yelling at the cashier or they’ll fuck your shit up. Being a cashier, I have thought of doing many of the things I’m about to list off here but have yet to do any of them…at least on purpose.

The worst I’ve done is tell someone who came to my express register with way too many items that I wasn’t going to be taking them through and they’d have to go wait in line at a normal register. I felt really powerful doing that.

So what possible powers do cashiers have?

  • We can scan an item multiple times
    Think about it. You’re on the phone, chatting away with your spouse or friend and yet still somehow manage to be rude to the cashier. Oops, looks like you’re paying for three 4-litre jugs of milk when you only have one. Silly me, I didn’t even notice I did that. Well, guess you’re going to have to go stand in line at customer service to get that fixed.
  • We can put too many heavy items in a bag
    My, look at all of these canned goods you have. It’d be a shame if they all fell on the ground in the parking lot. What’s that? You want it double bagged? Sure thing. I hope that there isn’t a tear somewhere in that second bag…possibly on the bottom of it.
  • We can give you the incorrect amount of change
    So you’re paying with a hundred-dollar bill for a seven-dollar item? Well that’ll be 93 dollars in change and…oops, I only gave you eighty. Or, how about nickels? You like nickels right? Here’s 50 of them!
  • We can move really slowly
    You thought the line was moving slowly before? Well now you pissed me off so watch this snail move faster than me. What’s that? You’re going to be late for the bus? Too bad you weren’t nicer.
  • We can tell your story to the world
    Be careful what you say around a cashier. We’re not therapists. There is no cashier-customer confidentiality. If we hear some juicy gossip (or how you stole stuff), chances are we’re going to tell every cashier your story and possibly friends, family members and the police.
  • We can “accidentally” fail to deactivate the security tagToo bad I didn’t see that EAS Tag. Now it looks like the alarms are going to go off. Also too bad that those diapers are the only thing you’re getting and you don’t have a bag so it’ll really look like you’re trying to steal them. It’s also a shame that I didn’t hand you your receipt before you quickly walked off. Even worse is that I ripped up the receipt when you left and threw it in the garbage. But it can all be explained as a misunderstanding, right?
  • We can spit in your food
    In your food, on your food…on your other merchandise. Does it really matter? It’s spit. It’s gross. Don’t think that waiters/tresses are the only ones who can do that.
  • We can make your fruits/vegetables weigh more than they are
    Oh, was my hand on the scale? I didn’t even notice. Oh well, you don’t mind paying an additional three dollars for those bananas, right? In fact, you like giving Wal-Mart extra money. Consider it a charity of sorts. Also in this category, entering in a code for a different fruit or vegetable that costs more than the one you’re getting.

The list can go on and on, these are just eight examples. As you can see, though, cashiers have a lot more power than people may think. So the next time you go through a register, treat the cashier with respect and dignity or you may just get fucked over.

And now, until next time, I will leave you with this ancient Chinese proverb: lik dis if u cry evertim. Thanks for reading.

Did you like this list? Do you want to see more lists/posts like this one? Let me know.

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