The Slow Journey Through Time

Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting in your room when suddenly – uh oh – you have to go use the bathroom! Quick, quick! Photo finish! You made it! You’re sitting on the toilet, you reach in your pocket and…aw man. You forgot every electronic device you own. You were in such a hurry and now you have nothing to do to preoccupy your time in the bathroom.

This has happened to me so many times and every time my reaction is the same: “Well now what?”

Here’s a list of everything I forgot to bring into the bathroom:

– My phone

– My iPod

– My laptop

– My PSP

– My Nintendo 3DS

– My Gameboy Color

– My walkman

– My Macintosh

– My Lite Brite

– My Etch-A-Sketch

– My Fleshlight TV

– A book/magazine/newspaper etc.

So now what?

I’ve only been here for about a minute and I’m so bored! I guess I could just hurry it up and get out of this electronic-free death trap. But according to the infomercial for the Potty Putter rushing is unhealthy. And if there’s one thing I make sure I listen to it’s infomercials.

So no rushing allowed, and I don’t have any electronics or a book. Man, I never realised how long it takes me to do my business. This is starting to get awkward and uncomfortable. Do you think anyone else who’s home right now is noticing how long I’ve been sitting in here? Great, now I’m becoming self-conscious. I need something to take my mind off of things.

How many layers is my toilet paper? No…that won’t work. I’m not going to start ripping apart my toilet paper. Hmm, toilet paper…I wonder why some people have the rolls underhand and some people have it overhand. Heh, those are funny words. Well, I’m bored again.

Man, someone should really empty this garbage can from time to time. How long has it been now? 90 seconds. Great.

I should cut my fingernails. My toenails should get cut, too.

Now it’s time to twiddle my thumbs together. And…it’s…been…two…minutes…….now.

And I’m still bored. Is it time to wipe? Hey! I didn’t notice this before. A shampoo bottle…or a body wash bottle…or hand lotion…or any bottle with tiny print on the back of it. Finally, something to read. And now enjoy this picture that pretty much sums up this editorial.

Source: Cyanide and Happiness
Source: Cyanide and Happiness

And now, until next time, I will leave you with these words: Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da. Thanks for reading.

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