If More Things Had Titles Like “Robinson Crusoe”

If More Things Had Titles Like “Robinson Crusoe”

Robinson Crusoe, for those that don’t know, is a novel about a man who gets shipwrecked on an island with cannibals and the wacky adventures he goes on, on said island. And by “wacky adventures” I basically mean he runs away from the cannibals. It was published back in 1719 by a man named Daniel Defoe who originally published it under this title:

The Life and Strange Surprizing Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, Of York, Mariner: Who lived Eight and Twenty Years, all alone in an un-inhabited Island on the Coast of America, near the Mouth of the Great River of Oroonoque; Having been cast on Shore by Shipwreck, wherein all the Men perished but himself. With An Account how he was at last as strangely deliver’d by Pyrates.

I wish I was making this up, but at the same time I’m glad I’m not. That title has a period in it and a second sentence. Not to mention that the first sentence is a run-on sentence. Also, not to mention that the second sentence gives away the freaking ending. He gets rescued by pirates, the end. Now you don’t have to read the book.

One day I’m going to write a book that’s essentially a 200-300 page title and knock Robinson Crusoe‘s title out of the water. But in the meantime, I’ll just stick with this article. So what if other things (video games, movies, books, TV shows, etc.) had titles like Robinson Crusoe? I think they would look a little something like this. Also, spoiler warning as I’ll be giving away plot points in said titles. Anyway, enjoy.

Video Games

Super Mario Bros – The amazing adventures of a plumber who ends up in a world where upon he jumps on mushrooms and turtles to save a princess, only to be told that she is within a different castle. He ventures through seven of these castles until he stumbles upon the eighth and correct castle wherein he must defeat a giant turtle for the eighth time and then rescues said princess.

God of War – The life story of a warrior who becomes Ares’s bitch and is then tricked into killing his wife and daughter and then is forced to wear their ashes as a constant reminder of his greatest mistake. Enraged, the warrior sets out on a quest to kill Ares and, with the help of other gods and a completely unrealistic version of Pandora’s Box, he kills Ares and takes over as the God of War.

Five Nights at Freddy’s – The surprising and horrifying accounts of a security guard for a children’s pizzeria wherein the animatronics spring forth to life at night and hunt down said security guard who must keep a watchful eye on the cameras and close the doors in his office to keep the animatronics at bay but mustn’t let his power run out before his time as security guard ends each night. Jump scares galore.

Movies

Scott Pilgrim vs The World – The sad but true tale of Scott Pilgrim, of Toronto, Canada who dated a high schooler only to discover that he had a fascination for another; Ramona Flowers of New York who has seven evil exes that Scott must beat up in order to keep dating this New Yorker. Only he then discovers that her seventh evil ex is a record producer and his band wants to sign a contract with him but he refuses and realises that he needs to beat up the ex, not for Ramona, but for himself. And he does.

Toy Story – The coming-of-age story of a children’s toy named Woody in a world where children’s toys come to life when the child is away and how Woody feels like he is being replaced by a new and shinier toy named Buzz. They have a fight and Woody knocks Buzz out of the window and the other toys turn on him, he then finds Buzz who fights him some more and they end up in a neighbouring house with a kid who doesn’t take care of his toys. They decide to work together and defeat the kid and end up back with their proper owner right before it’s too late.

Books

Flowers for Algernon – The touching accounts of Charlie, a mentally challenged man, as he undergoes an operation to make himself smarter so that he can feel like he fits in, only to have the operation work too well and he then feels isolated from everyone on the other end of the spectrum; in that he’s too smart for them. But then the effects of the operation begin to wear off until he has reverted back to the way he was before but now with the knowledge that he used to be smart and that he’s probably going to die soon due to the operation.

TV Shows

How I Met Your Mother – The extremely long tale of how Ted Mosby met the woman who would give birth to his children, but to not have the woman come into the story until right near the end and instead brag about every woman he’s ever slept with before he met her. Then to end with a sad, but predictable note and to make it so the story wasn’t about the mother at all.

So those are just some of the things that could easily be converted into this format.

Did you like the article? Can you come up with other ones? Write them in the comments below. Also, feel free to share the article with your friends, click on like, follow my blog, etc.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s